My feedback: "You've checked out lately." My teammate then called me difficult. I thought I was being direct. I had described them, not what happened. Feedback blows up when it describes who someone is, not what they did. Nobody can change who they are by Friday. Label the person, and they hear you think less of them. The behavior never gets discussed. Only the verdict does. 10 ways to give hard feedback without being called "harsh" (and have them thank you for it): 1/ "You've checked out lately." ↳ "I noticed you didn't weigh in, and you usually do." 2/ "You were angry in there." ↳ "I noticed your voice got louder on this topic." 3/ "You're dominating every meeting." ↳ "Do you notice you speak first, and no one speaks after?" 4/ "Your presentation wasn't clear." ↳ "Did you notice the Slack questions after you pitched?" 5/ "You're bad at communicating." ↳ "When you don't post an update, we assume nothing's happening." 6/ "Don't send me the data like this." ↳ "This format means I rebuild it before I can use it." 7/ "No, do it this way instead." ↳ "What made you rule out the other option?" 8/ "Can I give you some feedback?" ↳ "Do you mind if I ask a few questions first?" 9/ "You're careless with details." ↳ "This is about one section, not your work overall." 10/ "You're micromanaging me." ↳ "I noticed you ping me the day after we agree on a task." Say how big it is, so they know it isn't everything. Say you got it wrong once too. You can be direct AND easy to hear. You can name the problem AND keep the person. Describe the moment, not the person, and they will thank you for it. 💾 Save this for the feedback you've been sitting on. --- ♻️ Repost to help your network 🔔 Follow Shivani Berry to advance in your career in the age of AI | 19 comments on LinkedIn

A couple of weeks ago at our Managing One-on-One workshop, Esther and I were teaching about how to give feedback. Here's the “recipe”: Create an opening to deliver feedback. Describe the behavior or result in a way the person can hear. State the impact using “I” language. Make a request for changed behavior. When […]

By Lisamarie Babik, and Johanna Rothman – October 23, 2012 If you walk through a high-performing agile team space, you'll hear a buzz about the product: “Do you see this?” “Bump that.” “Ah ha!” “Tell me more about what you want.” “But that is part of the acceptance criteria.” “We should do it this way.” […]

I have received some wonderful feedback from some of my managers. Back when I was a young engineer, one of my managers gave me the feedback at an annual review that I didn't quite finish my projects. “Oh, you mean on the project I just finished last week?” I wanted to know if it was […]

Excellent comparison of Clean Feedback, NVC, Crucial Conversations, and ORID

One of the greatest gifts you could give yourself is to seek, find, and apply truth in your life. This is the

It’s never easy taking criticism. You spent so much time and poured in so much effort—only to have your hard work ripped apart. Many of us are familiar with the saying, “no pain, no gain.” Generally speaking, I like to avoid or prevent things that can hurt me. via Pocket

When was the last time your boss told you:

I’m working on a writing project with a geographically distributed team. We all have full-time paying jobs and this is a professional project with no monetary compensation. We worked as an agile team, in iterations, pairing, helping each other write the best expression of our ideas. We turned over our draft and waited for copyediting … Do You Want Feedback? Read More »